Loneliness after Divorce

Lonely to Limitless

Lonely with oneself is a better option than lonely in a marriage.

Did you ever feel lonely in your marriage? When two people are no longer on the same path, or their values and dreams no longer align, loneliness creeps in—even if you’re standing side by side.

This blog explores what it means to experience loneliness both within a marriage on your own and looks at how solitude can sometimes hold more peace that shared silence.

Estimated read time: 4 minutes  

The Loneliness of a Gray Divorce (or loss)

Have you ever felt that no one truly understands how lonely you are. You were lonely in your marriage, yet with the marriage behind you there is still that aching sense of loneliness. Do you wonder if this feeling of loneliness will ever pass?

What the Research Tells Us

A 2023 Harvard Study of Adult Development showed loneliness isn’t just emotion - it’s physiological, affecting sleep, immunity and heart health.

On page 130 of Dr Jocelyn Elise Crowley’s book Gray Divorce – What we lose and gain from mid-life splits she writes:

“Perhaps most importantly, divorce can bring about profound sad feelings, resulting in severe loneliness. This loss of companionship may be primarily felt by the non-initiator of the divorce, as they are more likely to retain hope about the marriage’s long-term durability.”

She continues “Single strain embodies all practical and socioemotional stressors that result from the absence of daily intimacy, shared memories and the anticipation of a bright future with another partner”.

Dr Crowley’s book is a must read for those wanting to read about the impacts of a Gray Divorce from both men and women perspectives.

A Personal and Relatable Reflection

Let’s go back to October 2019, I was on a dream holiday in India with my then husband of 30 years and 2 other couples (family members).

 A private driver took us safely on a three-hour drive from New Delhi to Agra, arriving just in time for our sunset tour of the Taj Mahal one of the Seven Wonders of the World and often called the Eternal Monument of Love.

To say the experience was amazing is an understatement, it was phenomenal.

The next morning, with the Taj Mahal just a five-minute walk from our accommodation, we decided to return for the sunrise tour. Everyone came, except my husband. Despite my pleas, he chose not to go. As I stood there at sunrise, surrounded by couples taking photographs, I realised a painful truth: being lonely with myself felt better than feeling unseen in my marriage. That morning, I felt a quiet strength rising within me, it was the beginning of my journey to end my marriage.

The Etymology and Meaning of the Word Loneliness

Etymology is the study of the origin of words and how their meanings have changed throughout history. The word “lone” dates to 1514 and comes from the Old English word lan meaning alone. The suffix “ness” was later added to describe the state of being alone or isolated.

Loneliness is a complex emotional state that involves feelings of isolation, lack of connection, and a sense of longing for companionship or intimacy. It can manifest as physical, social, or emotional isolation, each leaving us feeling unseen or disconnected.

Actions that you can take today: 

1. Move Your Body – Even a simple walk reconnects you with life’s rhythm. Yoga is especially powerful for uniting mind, body, and breath.

2. Engage Your Senses – Get out into nature. Hug a tree, walk on the beach, watch a sunrise, gaze at the stars, or enjoy a full moon rise.

3. Start Micro Connections – Small connections build big courage. Chat with your barista, say hello to a neighbour, or introduce yourself at a new café.

   
   

Research shows that small, intentional daily routines can help combat loneliness and create emotional anchors that restore connection and joy.

Why combatting loneliness matters?

Because the next chapter doesn’t just belong to you – it begins with you.

 

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Author Bio

Lisa Keevill is the founder of Recreate & Rise, helping women 50+ rebuild and rise beyond Gray Divorce through coaching, community, and storytelling. Her work blends research, professional insight, and lived experience.