Finding Romance after Gray Divorce or Loss - Romancing Yourself #graydivorce

How Women Can Find Joy & Freedom After Divorce or Loss

“At first, the silence after divorce felt like absence. Then I realised that absence was space, space for me.”

Finding joy in your own company is essential. It’s about recognizing that you have the freedom to choose what brings you happiness. This blog explores how you can find joy and freedom after divorce or loss. When you step away from the framework of marriage, you can reclaim your life. You no longer have to share decisions, routines, or even negotiate your dreams to satisfy someone else.

Estimated read time: 4 minutes  

What it Means to Romance Yourself

Romancing yourself isn’t indulgence; it’s self-respect. It’s necessary as you move into this next chapter of your life. Prioritizing your joy is vital. It’s about making your own decisions, creating new memories, and dreaming for yourself. It can be as simple as:

• Booking a weekend away and choosing your destination.

• Wearing your favourite perfume and lingerie just because.

• Cooking dinner by candlelight.

• Starting your morning with gratitude and dancing to your favourite playlist.

  
  

These small acts signal to your nervous system that life is safe again. They remind you that freedom belongs to you.

A Young Girl in a Big City

Let me take you back to August 2023. I took my first trip to Europe, landing in Paris. The experience overwhelmed me. I felt like a young girl in a big city—both terrified and excited. Surrounded by couples embracing the romance of the city, I decided I wanted romance. Thus, #RomancingMyself was born. I was going to romance myself around Paris and then Rome.

My last evening in Paris was spent at Moulin Rouge. The show finished just before 11 PM. As I got into a taxi for the short ride home, I mentioned to the driver how beautiful the lights of Paris were at night. I regretted missing the Eiffel Tower’s flashing lights display.

In a charming French accent, the young taxi driver asked, “Would Madame like me to take her to see the lights?” He said we had six minutes, and if he hurried, we might make it. It felt like a scene from a romantic movie. He raced down side streets, tooted the horn, and sped through red lights. As he rounded the last corner, he exclaimed, “Madame, there you are!” We had made it.

The lights flashing lasted only 60 seconds, but it was one of the most romantic gestures of my life. When the lights stopped, I hugged the taxi driver and cried. This stranger had given me the exhilarating gift of knowing that my newfound freedom after a 30-year marriage had created a memory I would cherish forever.

There was no shame in #RomancingMyself—only empowerment, joy, and exhilaration.

“That moment wasn’t about Paris—it was about possibility. For the first time in years, I felt alive in my own story.”

The Science Behind Joy and Self-Connection

Psychologists refer to self-connection as the ability to be aware of who you are, accept that person fully, and align your life with her truth. A 2022 study by Klussman and colleagues found that people who live in alignment with themselves—acting in ways that feel authentic—experience greater happiness and emotional health than those who merely practice mindfulness or self-compassion.

It makes sense to me. When you stop performing and start living in integrity with your desires, peace replaces pretense.

Barbara Fredrickson, a leading positive psychology researcher, explains that joy is more than just a feeling. Her 2001 Broaden-and-Build Theory shows that joy expands your thinking and builds new emotional resources, creativity, resilience, and openness. In other words, joy isn’t a distraction from healing; it is the healing.

In 2013, Sonja Lyubomirsky and Kristin Layous found that even small, intentional positive actions—like trying something new, expressing gratitude, or simply enjoying a moment—increase happiness. These “micro-acts of joy” retrain the brain to see possibility again.

Their research confirms what many of us learn after loss: joy doesn’t arrive all at once; it’s rebuilt through small acts of intention.

So, I guess flying through the streets of Paris to see the Eiffel Tower lights flash wasn’t just symbolic of being in a romantic city; it could be considered neurochemical as well.

What Can You Do to Romance Yourself?

1. If you are rebuilding after divorce or loss and feel that healing alone isn’t enough—if you crave aliveness, joy, excitement, laughter, and colour—that’s your rebirth.

2. The next time you catch yourself wishing for someone to bring you flowers, remember you can buy them. Go choose your favourite flowers and place them in your favourite vase.

3. If something bigger is calling, like a trip, go plan it and take it. You might find yourself crying and hugging a random taxi driver near the Eiffel Tower.

   
   

Why RomancingMyself Matters

Because freedom isn’t found; it’s created one brave choice at a time.

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Author Bio

Lisa Keevill is the founder of Recreate & Rise, helping women 50+ rebuild and rise beyond Gray Divorce through coaching, community, and storytelling. Her work blends research, professional insight, and lived experience.

Further Reading

• Klussman K. et al. (2022) “Self-connection and Well-Being…”

• Fredrickson B. L. (2001) “The Role of Positive Emotions…”

• Lyubomirsky S. & Layous K. (2013) “How Do Simple Positive Activities Increase Well-Being…”